


You'll Never Feel Like You're Alone

by ropeanchorls



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drug Use, M/M, Mention of Death, extremely minor mention of Liam and Niall, mention of drug names (just one really), ok SO MUCH FEELS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 16:47:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ropeanchorls/pseuds/ropeanchorls
Summary: Louis broke six years ago, Harry came to the rescue. Louis breaks again, and Harry almost does too. Except he doesn't.





	You'll Never Feel Like You're Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second work I post and I'm just as nervous as I was with the first one. I'm no Jane Austin, but I love writing and sometimes sharing what I write (oh, and Larry, obviously), so here you go. 
> 
> Please, read the notes at the end. Please, please. 
> 
> Enjoy.x

It's dark and hot when Harry makes it inside their flat. There's smoke and a powdery smell filling the air, and it's even harder for him to breathe, giving the three floors of stairs he ran up just a few seconds ago. A dim light comes from the floor light, barely helping Harry see his own steps. What he does see though, is a faint image of his life-long boyfriend's back bent forward towards the coffee table, his face inches away from it, sniffling through a rolled-up piece of paper, with another rolled-up piece of paper filled with god knows what stuck between his fingers.

It's a picture Harry had nightmares about, never hoped to see again, never wanted to experience that rush of guilt that comes with it ever again, even though he hardly stopped feeling it, he just learned to push it to the back of his mind and heart.

The scene unfolding before him makes his chest ache, just like it used to back then, but somehow, worse. It's a time when they were both still reckless teenagers, not really grasping the meaning of life just yet, it was all new and strange to him when they had this huge fight about them both being too clingy and to some level, suffocating each other without meaning to. It ended when they broke up.

Next thing Harry knows, Louis, at twenty years old, got himself involved with the wrong crowd –in his defense, it felt right for him at the time– and started smoking and burying his face in piles of  _nearly_ all kinds of drugs –thankfully, he was still sane enough to draw the line at heroin– as a coping mechanism. Meanwhile, Harry tried his best to keep up with Louis' state through their mutual friends, urging them to help him and keep an eye on his well-being without showing his involvement. 

It went on like that for a few months, with Liam and Niall failing miserably to change Louis' lifestyle back, until Harry couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take watching the only person he's ever surrendered his heart to, destroy his present and future like that anymore. He goes to Louis' flat one night, they kiss, and that's it, really. 

It's a step by step process. Harry encourages Louis to give up the new habit, collect his life back –it comes of a great advantage that he hadn't gotten too deep into it, just barely hanging on the edge, but not quite there (Harry believes Louis subconsiously restrained himself from crossing the unforgiving line of addiction, his boy)– and Louis slowly, with the desire to return to his life, and his back-again, oh, so lovely boyfriend, distances himself from the "friends" he came to know in that field, and patiently cuts all connection with them and what they come bearing. Harry was more than happy and satisfied when Louis recovered and became _his_ Louis again, but that doesn't stop the nagging, stabbing guilt he felt constantly.

And now, six years later, here Louis is again, sat in their shared living room, openly snorting a white substance, while inhaling a marijuana roll –Harry knows the smell because he knows Louis had it attached to him most of the time when he was recovering, claiming that  _this is not drugs, come on,_ he wasn't so subtle– like he's drinking tea.

Harry knows this time, the guilt doesn't fall on him, but he can't help but feel it. He is the one that made him start it in the first place, after all. He also knows Louis has been a right mess since the loss of his best friend as well as his mother, Jay. Harry himself barely held it together for Louis' sake, Jay was a second mother to him. But he passionately believes that Louis is the strongest person he's ever met, he never expected him to relapse after  _six years._

Now, he stands still, arms hanging loosely at his sides, helpless and useless. Louis called him to tell him that he loves him very much, and that he's the only good thing left in his life. Harry lost his shit at the words and the tone of his voice, dumping his shift at the bakery –not really, he asked Julia to fill in for him after telling her that Louis is not well, she patted his shoulder and told him to go find his boy– and literally, apart from the car ride,  _ran_ home.

"Baby," Harry calls out softly and so brokenly, his voice cracking at the syllable. Louis doesn't acknowledge him for a few seconds, taking his time with his movements. "Why?"

Louis shows no sign of recognition except for stretching his left arm across the end of the couch, directing it at Harry with a palm out. Harry is next to him in an instance.

He takes his offered hand in his, and it's like holding an ice cube. His body warmth does its best to spread towards and through Louis, with the help of Harry's lips pressed against both of his hands, kissing them for the most part. He looks up to find Louis' head resting back against the cushion, eyelids almost shut, and dear lord,  _that smile_ . Harry brushes away the white traces on his nose, wiping at his face gently. 

So how many times exactly can a heart break?

Infinitive, Harry would say, from experience.

•••

They're curled up with each other for a certain amount of time, when Harry  _finally_ hears his voice. 

"Please, forgive me." 

Harry's heartbeat thickens, his fingertips slowly turn cold and he instinctively tightens his arms and body around Louis.

No, Louis is not supposed to apologize or ask for forgiveness. He shouldn't.  _They_ should apologize to  _him_. The universe owes him so much, owes him better treatment and justice, a nicer attitude. Harry wants to give him all of it. Everything. And it wouldn't be enough.

He's about to tell him all of that when, "I have no one now, Harry. I have nothing," Louis says quietly, his throat itching his words. "Only you." He opens his eyes slowly, blinking swiftly before settling his gaze on Harry's. His eyes are desparate and sorrowful, glittering with tears. "Please, don't leave me."

"Oh, darling, I would never." Harry tells him immediately without giving himself a chance to think about the base of Louis' request, or give in to his thumping heart and crumble to pieces. "I'm right here, I'll always be right here, baby, you know that." Louis is a layer of mash underneath him, shaking and unaware of the tiny drops of sweat forming on his forehead. "Don't you ever doubt me."

"I don't. You're the only thing I have faith in." Louis pauses, "and the only faith that never weakens." He tightens his fingers on Harry's at that, whitening them.

"I love you with my entire heart, soul and well-being, Louis. I would surrender my eyes before I gave you up."

•••

Louis is silent for a couple of long minutes, eyes shut and breath uneven so Harry knows he's awake, coming down from the high. 

Then, "I am sorry though." 

"Louis, no. The only person you need to apologize to is you." Harry says stubbornly, but firmly. He sighs, "just tell me this is a one time thing, for the love of god."

"It is. I promise, it is." Louis response is quick and sure. Harry believes him.

"I believe you, and I won't ask where you got that shit from, because I trust you, okay?" Louis bites on his lip, looking down in shame. "I trust that you'll erase any dealers numbers you have. I know you can control this, Lou. You did it before." 

"I'll do anything it takes to keep you. I won't take you for granted like I did with mom." The choked tone earns him some wet pecks on the side of his face. "It didn't feel good this time anyway."

"She's proud of you, honey. Just like I am." 

Louis smiles, a real one that's wide enough to faintly create his eye crinkles. 

Just when Harry thinks his life is complete and starting to shine back, Louis tilts his head and kisses him. 

Which,  _oh._ _Now,_ it's making perfect sense again.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAA congratulations! You finished it! I wrote this in one day and the words just kept flowing out of my head onto the phone, I hope that was good enough. 
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for reading. If you liked it and haven't read my first work, do feel free to give it a chance.
> 
> I would very much like to hear (read) your thoughts about this, whether you loved it or not. So please, leave as many comments as you desire, and I'll be happy to go through them all.  
(Kudos is appreciated as well.)
> 
> Thank you, beauties. Have a wonderful rest of the summer.


End file.
